Subject: URGENT: The LLM Outage of 2028 – Company-wide Impact
To: All Staff
From: CTO Office
Date: March 14, 2028
Dear Team,
As you’re probably already aware—given the spontaneous screaming and crying from various meeting rooms this morning—we’re currently experiencing a global outage of all major Large Language Model (LLM) services. Yes, that includes GPT-9, Bard X, JarvisCorp Assistants, and sadly, even our beloved internal helper “ChuckGPT.”
Current Situation:
- Our automated customer service chatbots are offline. Calls are now being routed to your actual phones. Remember how to use those?
- Emails will now require manual typing. I know, terrifying.
- Code generation is fully down. Developers, please be patient as we locate keyboards and Stack Overflow accounts for your use.
- HR reports that employee onboarding has halted. New hires might be seen wandering around the office aimlessly. Please direct them gently back to the lobby.
Immediate Actions Required:
- Engineers: Please revert to writing your own functions and queries. Our Stack Overflow premium subscription has been renewed in preparation.
- Customer Support: We’re redistributing physical “scripts” printed in 2023—yes, actual paper—to handle customer inquiries. We appreciate your resilience.
- Marketing: Creativity might feel strange without AI prompting. Breathe deeply, think creatively, and maybe revisit your university textbooks. (They’re the heavy, dusty items holding up your monitors.)
- Management: Meetings will still continue. However, you’ll have to manually summarize discussions. Stay strong, team leads!
Lessons Learned & Next Steps:
The severity of this outage underscores our heavy reliance on AI for even basic daily tasks. While automation has made us efficient (and perhaps complacent), today is a vivid reminder that robust fallback procedures aren’t optional—they’re essential. Once services resume, we’ll host mandatory training sessions on the almost-forgotten arts of writing code, handling customer interactions, and, yes, grammar.
In the meantime, please support one another. Check in regularly—especially on our younger team members who have never experienced a full manual workflow. They might appear frightened, confused, or ask what a “printer” is. Be patient.
We will continue to update you as the situation evolves. We appreciate your flexibility, patience, and humor as we navigate this unprecedented day.
Stay calm, stay caffeinated, and maybe Google “how to do your job manually”—oh wait, that’s down too.
Warm regards (from a human, not ChuckGPT),
Morgan Patel
Chief Technology Officer
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